Lately I’ve been feeling down. It seemed like the world came crashing down around me, and well, it had. It’s funny how words are a disease like that, invading the host and strangling it from the inside until all that remains is fear and self loathing. Seems like a bad first impression to a counselor right? As if the joke is on me while walking through the door like, ha ha, I cried in bed after eating a whole bag of peanut M&M’s trying work work up the courage to come willingly be judged.
So the day it started came as nothing more than a text and my first thought was, “seems right.” As if my life is a walk in the parks of hell, and the only thing that separates the worlds is simple text.
I looked and read the words, “You got Fucked over.” You know, as if it’s the first time. Come to find out that I didn’t only get fucked over, but I got pissed on and thrown in front of a moving train as well.
I couldn’t shake the depression that followed, cause I mean that’s what this was all about right? Making me want to kill myself, cause my life is a god damn joke sometimes. So oblige the sadness, let the world take over, and hang my head in repentance for something that is nothing more that a call for attention. Isn’t that how the bully always works though? “Hey kid, where did you get your clothes? The dumpster? Give me your lunch money and your shoes.” Like they are going to take your shoes home. They’re not, they just want to make you miserable.
Reading through pages in my bout of depression and I realize, jealousy plagued that drama. How else could the writer continue after everyone had moved out? Death threats and nasty words were always coming through the fax machine until the writer got fed up and burned the whole place down. Seems right.
Looking at all the smiling, life is perfect bullshit, and realize that I’m sure it is now that the one moving forward is taken down a peg, but isn’t that just life? You can’t compete so you bully, sometimes without even thinking. That’s the difference between a bad person and a normal person. Normal people don’t invite 4 other people over just to watch two of them die, normal people try to protect all four and mourn their loss when it comes.